Lost to the Dead
by Megan-Reedus
Summary: All his life, Daryl Dixon has been trying to live up to his brother's expectations. The end of civilization as we know it has finally allowed Daryl to become the man he's always wanted to be. T for language. Caryl. Completed. Thank you so much everybody!
1. Chapter 1: A Good Man

**Chapter 1: A Good Man**

I opened the door to the RV and slammed it shut. I collapsed into the chair and wiped the sweat from my forehead with my arm. I looked down at my hands. They were caked in dirt. I wiped my hands on my pants. I put my elbows on the table and held my face in my hands. Closing my eyes, I let my mind run free. I saw her beneath my eyelids. Her small, fragile body sauntering towards us. There was a distance behind her eyes. Her short blonde hair was now matted and muddy. I quickly opened my eyes to clear my mind of that image. The inhuman sounds that came from her mouth rang in my ears. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the Cherokee Rose I'd picked for her sitting on the table in the beer bottle. I felt a sadness welling up in my chest. I'd failed that little girl. I'd failed her. I let her become one of **them.**

I got up from where I was sitting and picked up the bottle. I looked at the flower carefully. I held one of the delicate white petals between my index finger and my thumb. I chuckled at my stupidity. _How is a flower supposed to help a woman who just lost her daughters to a bunch of flesh-eating bastards?_ I closed my eyes for a split-second and I saw Sophia again. This time, though, she was alive. Her hair bounced as she walked next to her mother. Ed walked behind them, making sure they didn't do anything worthy of a new bruise. I violently forced my eyes open again. I felt wetness on my cheek. _Am I crying? _ I quickly wiped my face and sat down on one of the beds and clutching the bottle in my hand. I couldn't let anybody see me crying. Daryl Dixon doesn't cry. I stared at the flower and traced the thin lines on the petals with my thumb. I felt my eyes beginning to sting when the door to the RV opened.

I quickly blinked back my tears and looked down the narrow hallway to see who had just entered. Carol shuffled in and closed the door softly. She sat in the same spot I had been sitting not five minutes earlier. She didn't even look in my direction. Her eyes had the same distant look that Sophia's had, with no life in them at all. Although I was in plain view, I doubted that she even knew I was there. She rested her head on her right hand. Suddenly, her shoulders slumped and her head fell into her hands. Her back heaved and she finally looked up. That's when Carol's eyes met mine.

Her light blue eyes stared directly into mine. Tears ran steadily down her face. The whites of her eyes were now a light pink. I saw fear in her – like I would hit her or something because she was crying. She looked so vulnerable. So weak. She broke her gaze and turned to wipe her face as she looked out the window.

I stood up, bottle in hand. _What the hell am I doing? What am I supposed to say?_ As I approached Carol, I saw she was trembling. I knew I could just walk out of the RV without saying a word to her, but my guilt was eating away at my conscience, and I gave in.

"Hey." _Hey? You're watching a woman break down, and you say 'Hey.'?_

But Carol was unphased. She still sat lifeless, limp. For a second, I wondered if she'd even heard me. She looked down at her hands, still shaking.

"Carol, please look at me." I felt weak as the words spilled from my mouth.

I knew I was going to regret what I was about to say. I swallowed hard. Her eyes turned up to meet mine. A wave of pain rolled over me. Sophia had the same small features she did. I inched a little closer to the door.

"I-I'm sorry." I paused, embarrassed. _Damn my stuttering._ "I'm sorry. I let 'er down. I let you down. It's my fault that she's… she's…"

I couldn't say anything more. I looked at my feet. My throat formed a lump that wasn't there before. My head was throbbing.

"You did everything you could. Daryl, you nearly died to save her. Sophia-" she paused. "It would've meant so much to her." She looked at me long and hard. "Daryl, it's not your fault. It never will be."

The pain in her face, in her eyes, it killed me. The sadness I felt quickly boiled into anger. I hated myself for hurting her. _Why does she think I did all these great things for her daughter? I'm the failure! I'm the one who let her die!_

"But I was the one who left her night after night. All alone." Anger dripped off my words.

"We all did. You can't blame yourself for this." The tenderness of her voice irked me.

My cheeks grew hot and my hands balled into fists. Never breaking eye contact with her, I clenched my jaw. Unclenched it. And clenched it again. My eyes began to fill up again. _Be a goddamned man. She wasn't even your kid._ I turned to the RV door and stood with my back to her. I whipped my head around, expecting her to be afraid of me. I was hoping to instill fear. But instead, she smiled at me. She _**smiled**_. It was a weak smile, but it was a smile. I turned my body back to face her and I put the bottle on the table. She looked at it and made a forced chuckle as more tears came to her eyes.

"You're a good man, Daryl Dixon."

I gave her a slight nod and a forced smile. I opened the door to the RV and slammed it shut. I gave her a slight nod and a forced smile, then turned and stormed out of the RV, crossbow in hand. I headed for the woods. Nobody dared say a word. Guess those worthless pussies didn't have the balls to. I didn't even care. All I knew is that I had to blow off some steam, and fast. As soon as I reached the forest, I broke into a sprint. Trees flew by in a blur and my legs began to burn. My heart beat louder and faster as my crossbow thumped against my back. It was almost like a reassuring pat on the back. It comforted me. The faster I ran, the faster the thoughts came.

_Why does she care? Why do I care? What would Merle think? Why did she Sophia have to turn anyway? Why did the world turn into this? __**What the hell do I do?**_

Both my running and my thoughts were interrupted when I reached a clearing in the trees. Two walkers were crouched over some kind of huge animal, not even acknowledging that I was even there. As they continued eating, I realized the animal was one of Hershel's horses. The sick bastards were taking handfuls of the horse's insides and shoved them into their mouths like it was fucking Thanksgiving. Suddenly one of them looked up at me. He couldn't have been more than 14 or 15 years old. His face was bloodied and half of his was skull missing. The boy kept scooping the remnants of the horse into his mouth. The other one appeared to be an older woman with long, ratty, matted hair. As she noticed me and sat upright, I saw that her jaw was out of place and I saw the huge bite wound on her shoulder. It reminded me of Sophia. Once again, I felt my blood starting to boil.

The boy got up and started to groan. He was shuffling towards me, tripping over his own two feet. Glancing down, I noticed that was because his left ankle was bent at some weird angle. I snatched the crossbow off my back and I grabbed my last arrow. I loaded and I aimed the crossbow at his head. His arms reached for me and he groaned.

"Son of a bitch."

I shot him right between his eyes. He fell backward and landed with a _thud. _I leaned down to pull the arrow out of that prick's head, when I noticed the other walker was not even five feet away from me. Out of sheer shock and surprise, I stumbled backwards. She moaned and picked up her pace. I scrambled around on the floor looking for something to defend myself with. My crossbow laid near a tree behind the woman, and I didn't have an arrow anyway. My breathing grew heavy and I started to panic. I spotted a huge stick across the way. With all the strength I had, I pushed myself up off my hands and ran for the branch. The walker seemed to get faster, and I seemed to grow slower. I picked it up and swung it around like a baseball bat. It knocked her down, hitting it hit her right on her forehead. When she started screaming on the ground, I felt my temper snap like a rubberband.

"Fucking son of a bitch! " I screamed as I hit the walker's face while it writhed on the ground. "Look at what you did!"

I yelled, with another blow to the head, "Motherfucking bastard! You killed a little girl!"

I delivered another hit the center of the walker's face, causing her skull to collapse on itself. "She was only 12! And you killed her!"

I threw the stick at a nearby tree. "Rot in hell!" I spit in its face.

My breathing was fast-paced and I felt my heart thumping fast against my ribcage. I walked back to the boy and yanked the arrow out of his head. I bent down to really get a good look at him. He had freckles and dark brown hair. The youth in his face mirrored Carl's, yet his face looked exactly like Sophia did when she walked out of that damn barn. Purpled lips and paled skin. I squeezed my eyes shut in an effort to tell myself that she'd be waiting back at camp with her mother. I stood up and put my arrow back in my crossbow. I then slung the crossbow over my shoulder and headed back to camp, trying to think about anything but the little girl who'd gotten lost in the woods.


	2. Chapter 2: The Stars

**Chapter 2: The Stars**

It was starting to get dark when I reached the farm. The fire was already burning. I walked to my tent, feeling everybody's eyes on my back. I entered my tent and collapsed onto the ground, not realizing how exhausted I was. My thoughts once again wandered to Sophia. I wanted to punch somebody, something. I wanted to do anything to prevent her from getting into my mind again. I was so sick of seeing her everywhere. The guilt was eating me alive. I laid in my tent, just feeling anger bubbling inside of me.

After about an hour, I knew I wasn't going to be sleeping any time soon. I emerged from the tent, the sky now a deep blue. The stars were just starting to appear. I looked up at them, remembering the nights when I'd sit out on my roof, just staring up at them for hours. That is, until Merle would find me. I didn't want to think about him almost as much as I didn't want to think about Sophia. I snapped out of my thought cloud, and walked over to the fire.

"Daryl? Do you want some dinner?" Lori asked.

"I'm not hungry," I muttered, but my stomach told me otherwise.

"Suit yourself…" Her voice had a matter-of-fact tone to it.

Subconsciously, I found myself scanning the group for Carol. My eyes flicked to her. She was sitting across from me, her gaze cast into the fire. She slowly picked up her head. I found myself staring into her eyes again. Later on, I would deny it, but I had never seen a woman look so beautiful. Maybe I was just being stupid. I don't know. But the stars were casting shadows on her face, yet all of her features were being traced by the light from the fire. The corners of her mouth twisted into a smile, I felt mine starting to do the same. _Stop that. You're weak. You don't need her. _ Merle's voice echoed in the back of my mind. I felt my face go blank. I'd forgotten about both my brother and Sophia in that tiny moment.

I don't know what exactly happened in those next few minutes. My head started to throb. That had been happening often, so I didn't pay much attention to it. But then my ears started to ring, and my legs went numb. All of a sudden, something hard bashed the back of my head, and my hearing vanished. I was lying on the floor, looking at the stars. They looked so beautiful that night against the dark blue sky. Lori rushed to me, with Carol tailing behind her. Their mouths were moving, but I couldn't hear a thing. Glenn followed Andrea, and soon everybody was around me, their faces looking panicked. All of their mouths were moving, and they all looked afraid. I didn't understand why. But then I realized that is was my turn to be afraid.

Among them, were Sophia and Merle. Sophia looked down at me, her face glowing, her cheeks pink. She smiled. Merle was standing next to her, glaring at me.

"Come on, little brother." He said. "Get your ass on up."

But I couldn't move. I couldn't tell if I was happy or upset or afraid that he was there with me. Maybe all of the above. All I could do was look at him and Sophia.

"Daryl, come with us." Sophia said. Her voice was like a song in my ears. She looked at me and outstretched her hand. "Come on, I'll help you up."

I reached my hand up to hold hers, but she and Merle disappeared into the stars above me. I reached for them.

"Merle… Sophia…" I choked out, my throat closing. "Come back. Take me with you."

I felt sudden pains in my head and face. The expressions of the people around me looked even more frightened then before. I felt my arms drop to my sides. My vision blurred. I felt two hands on my face as I drifted into a peaceful darkness.


	3. Chapter 3: Headaches

**Chapter 3: Headaches**

I opened my eyes, blinking them a few times to try to focus my vision. I reached up to my face, rubbing my eyes with the palms of my hands. I looked down at them. They were clean. The light coming through the mesh of the tent indicated that it was the morning. Off in the distance, I heard what sounded like Shane and Rick arguing. What the hell has been going on with them lately? I sat up, trying to clear my mind. Bad choice. Starting somewhere in the back of my skull, sharp pains were radiating throughout my brain. Instinctively, my hand clasped the pack of my head to keep the pain from coming, but that only made it worse. My fingers ran over the huge bump on my head a few inches from the nape of my neck. I squeezed my eyes shut and gritted my teeth, holding back a scream. Taking deep breaths, I tried to get out of that damn tent. I felt seasick. The world was shifting under me, my head felt disconnected from my body, and I was forcing the bile rising in my throat back down. Before I could even put my hand on the zipper, the flap to the tent opened, and I came face to face with Andrea.

"Jesus, woman! You tryna kill me?" I said climbing out of the tent.

Andrea looked offended. "Excuse me for coming to make sure you're alive!" I could hear the sarcasm on her tongue.

"Why wouldn't I be alive? I'm fine!" My voice sounded unsteady and unsure. I hated that.

Andrea shifted her weight onto her right side and propped her hand on her hip. She gave out a small chuckle.

"Wow. You don't remember anything, do you?" Before I could answer, she said, "I'll go get Carol. She'll explain it better that I can." She was about to walk away when she stopped and said, "By the way, you owe her a thank you. She's been taking awfully good care of you." She stalked away from me, clearly pissed off.

I leaned against a tree, my head still thumping. I was so frustrated. _What the hell happened? What is this bump on my head? Carol's taking care of me? Why do I even need to be taken care of in the first place? I'm a grown man. I can fucking take care of myself._ Sheer terror followed my thoughts. _My God. Did I get bit?_

I started panicking. I checked myself for teeth marks, scratches, anything out of the ordinary. But there was nothing except that bump on the back of my head. I felt my cheeks and forehead. My blood ran cold. I definitely had a fever. I slid down the tree as a wave of nausea rolled over me. Whether it was from the pain, or from the realization that I could be infected, I didn't know. I fought to keep my stomach from churning. Looking up, I saw Carol emerging from the RV and heading towards me.

"Daryl," she whispered, kneeling next to me, "are you alright?" She led me to the tent.

"I don't know, why don't you tell me." I said, fighting the urge to vomit.

Her face was twisted. She looked hesitant to say anything. She took a deep breath.

"You looked over at me, when we were sitting by the fire. Your face lost its' color, your eyes rolled back and they closed. You fell backwards and you hit your head. Lori and I ran over to you, but we didn't know what to do. Lori ran inside to get Hershel so he could help you, but he wouldn't. He still insisted that we get off his land and that he can't help us anymore." Carol paused for a little while, giving me a chance to really absorb her words. "You scared me. I thought we were going to lose you. You kept staring up at the sky. You started ramblin' on about Merle and Sophia." She stopped again. "Daryl, I thought you were going to die." She looked at me.

I gave her a look of disbelief. _Merle? Sophia? What? _At the same time, I also felt strangely relieved that I wasn't turning into a walker. I almost wanted to laugh. But I was afraid. Why was I talking about them? _Hallucinations? Heaven? Hell? _ I couldn't remember.

"Since Hershel won't help us, we have to keep a close eye on you. Are you hungry? Thirsty?" She said rummaging through her bag. Her motherly instinct was taking over.

"No, I'm fine. I told you already. I'm fine." I snapped.

Carol gave me a concerned look and pulled out a canteen from her purse. She unscrewed the cap and took a sip. Then, she offered it to me. Reluctantly, I took a sip. I gave it back to her.

"We buried her today." She said quietly.

A pang of pain and realization hit me. _They buried Sophia without me? How could they? After how hard I'd tried?_

Carol, seeing the look on my face, said "We waited as long as we could. I know you worked really hard digging and looking-"

"How long have I been out?" I nearly shouted.

"What?"

"How long has it been since the fire?" I asked, feeling my stomach flip again.

"I'm not sure. A few days. I'm so sorry." Her face was stained with pain and remorse.

I didn't look at her. I couldn't. She mumbled something about coming out when I was hungry. Carol left the tent, leaving me with my thoughts. Truth is, I'd never wanted another person's company more in my entire life. I felt so alone. I wanted to chase after that woman. Tell her everything was okay. I peeked out of the tent, watching her walk to the fire to start cooking. I saw her wipe her cheeks. My heart hurt when I saw her breaking like that.

Something snapped me back into reality. Andrea's screams. I turned to see what was happening. A herd of walkers was emerging from the forest.


	4. Chapter 4: Too Close for Comfort

**Chapter 4: Too Close for Comfort**

For an old man, Dale was fast. In a matter of seconds, e was up on the roof of the RV with Andrea, his hand covering her mouth. Her eyes were bulging out of her head, and muffled screams were still escaping through Dale's fingers. Towards the farmhouse, I saw Rick and Shane. They'd stopped arguing and they were now pounding on the farmhouse door. Lori, Carl, T-Dog and Glenn were all running for the house.

I went back to my tent, frantically searching for my crossbow. I cursed under my breath. I couldn't find it. However, I did find a shot gun. _No ammo. Perfect._ All I had to defend myself was my father's knife. I ran from my tent to the farmhouse.

"Let us in, dammit!" Shane yelled.

"Hershel, please be reasonable! You're killing us if you leave us here!" Rick raised his voice. "You're killing people by leaving us out here!" He banged his fists on the door yelling for him.

Losing hope, I looked over my shoulder, searching for some safe haven to magically pop up out of nowhere. I saw Dale and Andrea scrambling to get into the RV. They closed the door tightly.

My eyes moved over to the huge group of walkers headed right for camp. They sniffed the air, inhaling our scent. Some of them, faster than others, they were about halfway to the RV. Turning back to the farmhouse, I looked over at Lori, who was scared out of her mind. She held Carl close to her, comforting him as he sobbed. Rick, Shane, Glenn and T-Dog remained calling for help. From inside the house, arguing was heard. Probably between Maggie and Hershel. Looking at everybody's face was when I got it. I couldn't believe I hadn't noticed earlier. Carol was nowhere to be found. _Ah, Shit._

"Where's Carol?" I cried out.

I practically leaped off the porch, calling her name. I ran to the RV, praying she was in there. I was just about to open the door, when I spotted her. _Oh God. Oh God. No. Not this way. Not now. __**No!**_

The walkers picked up their pace as they breathed her in. She kept walking towards them. Her eyes closed, she ignored my yelling. I raced down to her, pulling her by her arm. She slapped my hands away, yanking them off of her.

"Daryl! Get off of me!" She yelled in my face. "Just let me go! I wanna be with her!"

With the walkers advancing on us, I knew we didn't have time to argue. I scooped her up in my arms and threw her over my shoulder. I ran as fast as I possibly could, Carol flailing the entire time. They were right on our tail. I looked up at the farmhouse. The door opened, Maggie ushered everybody inside. I tried to yell out to her to keep the door open for us, but I had no breath. She slammed the door shut. We had already passed the RV. I had to think, and I had to think fast. As much as I didn't want to, I headed for the barn. Carol finally stopped struggling against my grip. I probably could've put her down at that point, but there was no time to. They were maybe three yards away from us when we finally made it to the barn. I put her on the ladder as she started to climb. I was right behind her.

"Faster, Carol! Move!" I shouted.

We both made it up to the loft. The walkers were pouring into the barn. Dammit, Shane. Did you hafta break that lock? They looked up at us, their arms reaching. It seemed every walker for miles had come to grab a bite to eat. I looked at Carol. She looked back at me, scared out of her mind.

"What in the hell were you thinking?" I growled, wiping the sweat from my brow, regaining my breath.

"I didn't mean to put you in danger." She said it so quietly, I could barely hear her over the shrieking walkers. "I just want my daughter back. I want to be with her." She didn't dare look into my eyes.

"You're so fucking stupid." I blurted out, letting my temper get the best of me, yet again.

_She almost killed herself_. The reality started sinking in. Sitting silently, we listened to the undead wailing for us. I couldn't wrap my head around the idea that I'd almost lost the only thing that sill mattered. We sat there like that until dark. The walkers still hadn't budged.

"Are you thirsty?" she asked.

_Yes. So thirsty._ "Yeah." I answered flatly.

She moved into the moonlight as she searched the interior of her bag. To my surprise, she pulled out a bottle of wine. I felt my eyebrows rise. Taking a swig, she smiled at me. Blushing, she offered me the bottle. I took it from her and held it up to the air, grinning.

"Never been so thankful fer liquor in my life." I said, taking two huge gulps.

It was warm, and probably cheap. But hell, I was in Georgia heat during a zombie apocalypse. I didn't care. I felt my head throb after I took another mouthful. I winced. Carol's smile faded.

"That probably wasn't a good idea." She said, scooting closer to me.

Feeling uncomfortable as she put the back of her hand to my forehead, I replied, "Ah, I'll probably be dead tomorrow anyway."

"Geez, Daryl," she said, disregarding my comment, "you're on fire."

She moved her hand to my cheek, leaving it there a little longer than was necessary. She pulled her hand away, and started going through her bag again. In her hand were two pills. Fever reducers.

"Take these," she said, dropping them into my hand, "we have to get rid of the fever."

I popped them in my mouth and washed them down with the wine. I licked my lips, savoring the taste of the alcohol. I looked at her. She had bags under her eyes.

"I'll take watch, you should sleep." I said on impulse.

_Crap._ I had let her know I cared. She simply nodded and retreated to the back of the loft. I rested my backside against the wall. I replayed the events of the day back over in my head. We were really in the shithole, weren't we? I thought about what Carol almost did. _She almost died today. She wanted to. _Just the thought of her dying sent chills down my spine. _Wait. __Why do I even care about her? She ain't my kin, my blood. __**Merle is. **__Why ain't I so afraid for him? He can take care of himself, but I ain't scared of him dying. _My thoughts drifted to the roof in Atlanta. I'd been upset, sure, but that was nothing compared to the fear I'd felt when I saw Carol about to give herself up to the geeks.

The undead finally shut up after a few hours. Carol mumbled in her sleep. I couldn't make out much of it, but once or twice I could've sworn I heard my name. While I was staring up at the moon, I heard her scream. Whipping my head around, I saw her sitting up, looking back at me with eyes full of terror and tears streaming down her cheeks.

She pulled her knees to her chest and hid her face from me. Her shoulders shook as she tightened her grip around her legs. Not knowing exactly what I was doing, I crawled over to Carol, trying to comfort her as best as I could. I placed my hand on her shoulder lightly, hoping that would be enough.

"Bad dream?" I questioned, as quietly as I could.

Picking up her face, she nodded. The zombies stirred below us, growing steadily louder, as they tried to trace the scream. I wanted to badly to hold Carol and tell her everything was gonna be alright. But I knew it wasn't. And it wasn't ever gonna be. Looking into my eyes, she said in a gentle, raspy voice,

"Don't leave me."


	5. Chapter 5: Don't Look Back

**Chapter 5: Don't Look Back**

Something inside me changed. I suddenly felt the strongest urge to embrace her and to hold her until those beasts left. I wanted to fix her, protect her. I moved my hand to cup her cheek.

"You're safe." I told her.

It was so hard for me to say that. I wanted to tell her that she was never gonna be alone anymore and that if anything ever happened to her, I'd never be able to live without her. I couldn't bring myself to do it. I started to think about what my dad would've done to me if he heard me say that to anybody. The scar on my chest was burning. I move my hand to the floor, looking through the cracks at the walkers pacing under us. I felt Carol still looking at me. She sniffled.

"What are we gonna do?" she asked.

"I dunno." I said standing up.

I walked out onto the landing. There were geeks surrounding the entire barn. We were in a bigger shithole then I thought we were. I looked at the RC and the farmhouse in the distance. The entire area was empty. Carol walked up next to me.

"Ya think they'll come for us?" she asked with fear lining her words.

"Dunno." I grumbled.

We just stood there for awhile, really taking in our situation. We were helpless. Without the other, we were either dying of starvation or becoming freaks. I wondered what they were doing in the house and if they even knew where we were and if we were safe. _They probably don't even care. They wouldn't rick the group to save two people. Especially not Shane. _I looked down. Some of the zombies were heading for the livestock. More followed after them. They ran at the animals with hunger in their eyes. More and more followed the ones before them. I quickly turned on my heel and went back into the loft, peering over the edge. Their numbers were thinning. Carol said something to me, but my thoughts were too loud for me to hear her. I clutched the knife in my belt and turned to face her.

"Come on." I said, grabbing her arm.

"What?" she said as I dragged her along, "Are you crazy?"

"This could be our only chance at survival. Shut up and go!" I said, shoving her at the ladder.

I could see that she was trying her hardest to climb down as fast as she could, but it wasn't fast enough. I was so afraid we were going to die, my fear turned into fire burning in my body.

"Carol, **move**!" I shouted.

She looked up at me with tears pooling in her eyes. She reached the bottom of the ladder and started running for the house. I scrambled down the ladder, skipping the last few rungs. I ran as fast as my legs would take me. _Don't look back. Don't look back. _I heard footsteps behind me. I tried to scream for Carol, but I couldn't find my breath. As we grew closer to the house, I looked back.

The geeks were running towards us. With their arms outstretched, they were still pouring out of the barn. The walkers feasting on our live food supply looked up as we passed by. Carol turned back to look at me. Tears streaked down her face as she pushed herself to keep going. She ran up the steps of the house, crying, screaming and pounding her hands on the door. I followed soon after her.

"Rick, it's us! Open the door!" I yelled.

"Help us! Help us!" Carol screamed desperately, losing her voice.

The zombies' pace wasn't slowing down. They were quickly approaching camp. I looked across to the RV. Andrea and Dale stood in the window, staring at us in horror. Tears were falling down her face as Dale held Andrea up. It was too late to get to the RV; they were invading the camp quicker than I thought it was possible. Panic taking over me, I shouted at the door pleading for them to let us in. Carol backed away, and crossed her arms over her chest, looking at the undead coming closer.

"What are you doing?" I raised my voice, almost reaching hysteria.

She simply turned to face me and calmly said with a smile, "You're a good man, Daryl Dixon."

_It's over. We're both dead. This is how it ends. _I walked to Carol, watching the bastards approach us. There were no words that needed to be said, the silence spoke for us. I put my hands on her shoulders and pulled her back so that we were against the door. Their feet hit the steps and I pulled her into my chest.

"You're safe." I whispered.


	6. Chapter 6: Coming into Focus

**Chapter 6: Coming into Focus**

We fell backwards and we were dragged along the floor. I let go of her and looked up. _What the hell? _ We were okay. I looked at Carol, who was shaking like a leaf. The door the farmhouse slammed just in time. The walkers were clawing at it. I sat up, my heart pounding in my ears. I looked at Rick, who was just as out of breath as I was. He slid his back down the door, wiping the sweat off of his forehead. Lori and Carl crouched in the corner. Maggie and Hershel were yelling in the kitchen. Patricia stood next to T-Dog, out of breath from pulling us inside. Shane and Glenn were standing to the side of the door with weapons in their hands. Lori got up to tend to Carol. She looked so pale, and so scared. I longed to hold her again. Even in that crappy situation, I felt like I protected her. Carol gave me a purpose. A reason to stay with this group. A reason to stay alive.

"Is there somethin' you wanna explain?" I said to Rick, sarcasm and anger hinting at the tips of my words. "We almost died out there!"

Rick casually stood up and walked to the table. He linked his fingers together and looked down at his hands.

"You deaf?" I stood up.

"No." he mumbled. "We've been trying to get that door open."

"No, ya weren't! I would've heard the knob jigglin' or somethin'!" I grew furious.

"We were try-"

"Don't lie to me!" I said, walking to the side of the table opposite him.

"I wanted Hershel's word!" he snapped at me, picking his head up.

"Bullshit!" I yelled, banging my fists on the table, "We almost died out there! He's throwing us out with **them**!" I shouted, pointing at the door.

"I was trying to help us to stay here!" he shouted back.

"By killing us?" I countered.

Carol placed a hand on my shoulder but I shrugged it off. My head was throbbing so loudly, I thought it would burst. My ears were warm and I'm sure my face was flushed.

"Daryl, you gotta-" Carol started.

"Leave me the hell alone!" I exploded.

She backed away from me. The room grew quiet. Maggie and Hershel emerged silently, while the only sounds left were the walkers scratching and pounding against the door. Everybody's eyes flicked to Hershel.

"As soon as it's safe to leave, I want all of you off my land." He said in a flat tone, like he was telling us what we're having for dinner. "Rick, can I have a word with you in the kitchen?"

The only thing that kept my temper from flaring up again was the hurt I'd caused Carol. She stood with Lori, who had her arm around her. She looked at the floor, refusing me begging her for forgiveness with my eyes. Rick pushed his chair away from the table and followed Hershel into the kitchen. As soon as her father was out of the room, Maggie ran to Glenn.

"When you leave, I'm coming with you."

All of us were surprised. _Maggie? The farmer's daughter? Coming with us? Why? _Maggie stood in front of him, checking to make sure he was okay.

"Maggie, your dad will never let you go. And I don't think I want you in danger…"

_In danger. _I looked at Carol. She stared intently into my eyes with indifference. _I fuck everything up. Everything. _That woman was all I had left. I feared losing her. What was left to live for? Nothing. Nothing at all. Carol was the only hope left in that world for me.

Glenn and Maggie were still talking when I came back to reality. Carol and Lori were now speaking in hushed voices, and Rick and Hershel's voices echoed through the house. Shane spoke up.

"Dale?" he asked. "Andrea?"

The entire room held their breath.

"They're in the RV. They're fine."

A sigh of relief escaped many lips. Conversations soon resumed. Looking around, I saw the windows were boarded up. _Smart move. _I walked to one of them and I moved away the curtain to expose a sliver of the glass. A walker stared right back at me. I flinched away from the window, also bumping into Carol.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"For what?" I asked, genuinely confused.

"I'm the reason this even happened. You would've been safe in this house, instead of risking your life for me. I… I can't lose you." She wouldn't look up at me.

I felt people staring at us. How badly I wished we were alone.

"Please… Please don't do this to yourself…" I whispered back.

She looked up at me with sad, tearless eyes. I couldn't pretend anymore.

"C'mere." I pulled her head into me and I wrapped my arm around her. I ignored the looks from the people around us. I couldn't lose her, and if showing that to the rest of the group was how I could keep her safe… I'd do it.


	7. Chapter 7: Pretty Much Dead Already

**Chapter 7: Pretty Much Dead Already**

I felt my shirt getting damp. Carol pushed her weight into me. I supported her small frame as she let go. I knew that after this meltdown, she'd be a different person. I'd seen her walls crack a few times, letting just a few tears escape her eyes. But now, her walls were broken down. She was going to be this new, stronger person. That scared the hell outta me. When my mother decided to be strong and stand up to my dickhead of a father, he killed her. That son of a bitch killed the only thing I cared about.

"_You can't come home like this every night! Think about our kids!" she says as he slams the door._

"_Ya can't tell me what ta do!" he says, almost falling over._

"_Get out! Just get out!" she shouts, pushing him towards the door._

"_What didja just say ta me?" he says, ripping her hands off of him._

_Grabbing her by the throat, he slams her into a wall. Slowly, he takes the knife from his belt. He notices that I'm watching them._

"_Got a problem, boy?" he said, my mother wriggling under his hand._

_Shaking, I run up to him, attempting to yank the knife out of his hand. He shoves my mother into the wall, and lunges at me. The knife slashes my chest. Falling back into the kitchen table, holding my gash, I see him go back to my mother, who is now crawling around on the floor. I can't make a sound; the pain is spreading to my torso. To my horror, I see him delivering a firm kick to her abdomen. Tears stream down my face as I grasp for air. She coughs up blood as she begs him for mercy. Mustering every last bit of strength I have, I walk to him, trying not to collapse. I punch him right in the jaw, knocking it out of place. He punches me back, harder if possible, knocking me to the floor. My mother scrambles away from him, but he follows after her, cursing under his breath. _

_Holding her from behind, he puts a hand over her mouth and he looks at me. He struggles to keep control of her. His eyes show darkness, something far beyond what alcohol can do to a person. He places his knife to her throat, her screams are muffled. Not taking a second thought, he slits her throat and lets her body fall limply to the floor._

The scar across my chest tingled as Carol wept into it. I squeezed my eyes closed and rested my head on the top of Carol's skull. I felt my own walls cracking. Not only was it bad that I was on the verge of breaking down, but I was enjoying holding Carol. On top of that, we were standing in the middle of a room in front of most of our group. How badly I wished we were alone. _I'm being way too soft. _But I couldn't just leave her to fall apart alone. There was something that kept me from walking away.

Somehow, there was this very strong connection I had with Carol. Words rarely needed to be spoken. It's like we knew each other's thoughts and feelings. Maybe that was because our pasts were linked more closely than we thought. She stopped trembling. I released my grip on her and held her by her shoulders. Just like I'd thought, there was a new light in her, although her face remained drawn. She smiled at me as she wiped her face. I allowed the corners of my mouth to turn up just a little bit. _Dammit, __what__ is up with me today? _The look in her eyes told me she was alright.

Rick walked into the room, looking sick, with Hershel tailing behind him.

"Dad," Maggie stepped away from Glenn, "if they're going, I'm going."

Hershel was uncomfortable. He swallowed.

"Don't you think we could have this conversation somewhere more private?" He said in a low voice.

Maggie walked up to her father and placed a hand on his face. He looked down at her. His eyes were glassy. He put his hand over hers.

"I've always known this day would come… But I never thought it'd be like this." Hershel whispered. "Please don't do this to me."

I felt jealousy running through my veins as I thought of my father. My fingers uncurled from Carol's shoulders. She was confused. I couldn't possibly explain why I was upset. Not to anybody.

_I walk up to the hole in the ground, placing a flower into it._

"_I love you, Momma." My voice sounds distant._

_I go back to where Merle is standing._

"_You cryin'?" he asks._

"_No." I say flatly, hoping it's not obvious._

"_Yeah, y'are!"_

_I look down at my feet, trying to force the tears back in my head._

"_Pa would be 'shamed uh ya." He says shaking his head at me, "Be a man! I'm fine, and she was my Momma, too."_

_They fill the hole in the ground with dirt._

"_Knock it off!" I yell at him. "Get away from me!"_

_I pushed him at the church._

"_Pussy." He mutters as he walks away from me._

_They continue filling the hole. The priest goes on talking. I sit against a tree, I'm the only one here. Nobody even showed up but us, and nobody cares but me. The priest finishes speaking, gives me a nod and heads the same way Merle did. I pull my knees up to my chest._

"_I'm sorry, Momma. I tried as best I could. But he's in jail now. He won't hurt us anymore." I said to her in between sobs, "He won't hurt us anymore."_

I distracted myself from my thoughts and turned to the door, pressing my ear against it. The walkers were a quieter now, but they were still there. I almost wished I was outside. At least I could take my anger out on something. Frustrated, I interrupted the conversation Hershel and Maggie's conversation.

"What are we gonna do 'bout them?" I said loudly, jabbing a thumb towards the door.

"We gotta wait it out." Rick said, still looking pale.

"And then?" Shane asked.

The room went silent and all eyes were on Rick.

"We leave. Hershel wants us off of his property, and we have to respect that."

Shane's face twisted in distorted ways. He looked like he was about to blow up. I knew my temper was going to flare up again. I could feel it coming.

"There's no point stayin' here anyway." I said, looking Hershel in the eye. "The geeks are rippin' the flesh off your horses and the legs off your chickens."

A startled gasp came from Maggie and Patricia. Hershel shook his head at the floor. His entire family was shocked, as I'm sure they raised all of their animals from when they were young. I knew it hurt. _Let them be upset. They're leaving us all for dead. _Besides Shane, who was still fuming, our group was relatively unphased. We knew it was bound to happen eventually.

It happened to everybody. To everything. Everybody was going to die. Nobody wanted to admit it, but it was only a matter of time until everybody you knew died. That's why you couldn't become attached to people. I didn't know that with my mother. I knew it with Carol. But I couldn't keep myself away from her. I had to help her along and protect her for as long as I could. I knew she was going to die. I knew I was going to die. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but all of us were going to be dead. Every single one of us. Guess we were pretty much dead already.


	8. Chapter 8: Respect Your Elders

**Chapter 8: Respect Your Elders**

"How can you do this to us?" Shane shouted unexpectedly, shaking me from my train of thought. "How can you just throw us out there with those things?"

Hershel looked at him, with eyes full of anger.

"You aren't my responsibility anymore! My slate has been wiped clean!" he shouted back at him with the same intensity.

Shane was ready to yell right back at him, but Hershel turned toward the basement. He was pissed. Really pissed. He was angrier than I thought he could ever be. Maggie ran after him. I heard him yelling at her about leaving him alone. The door to the basement slammed closed and I heard his footsteps heading downstairs. Maggie came back, looking stressed out.

"He just needs some time alone." She said quietly, making her way to Glenn.

Shane's eyes burned with hatred. It almost made me flinch. My father often had that look in his eyes. Hell, sometimes Merle even had that look in his eyes. I subconsciously studied the others' faces. Some showed fear. Some showed sadness. Some of them even held pity. _Pity. _I chuckled internally. _Go ahead. Pity him. You won't be feeling __**pity**__ when we're out with the geeks again. _

Time seemed to be moving extra slowly. Not many words were spoken. All of us kinda stood around listening to the walkers scratch at the walls of the house. It nearly drove me insane. Rick and Shane were arguing again in hushed voices when Patricia said,

"Are y'all hungry?"

Carl nodded. Nobody else responded to her, they just stared at her in surprise. Lori was the one who broke the silence.

"I don't know if Hershel would want you feedin' us."

Patricia thought for a little while. She pursed her lips and took a deep breath.

"I live here, and I have to respect his ideas, but I'm not gonna letcha go hungry." She said with a smile, "I'll go make us some lunch." She walked into the kitchen with Carol, Maggie and Lori following her.

I sat down at the table with a sharp pain in my temple. I felt the overwhelming urge to sleep right at the table, but somehow I felt that would make me weak. I winced at the throbbing in my head. Shane and Rick had resumed arguing and Glenn had started talking to T-Dog about some video game. My thoughts wandered to Dale and Andrea in the RV as my fingers ran over the spot where Andrea had shot me. From there, I got lost in my thoughts for what seemed like five minutes. But the time flew by and the women were calling us to eat.

"I should go grab Dad." Maggie said to Patricia as she walked out of the kitchen to the basement.

I followed behind everybody heading into the kitchen. Maggie wriggled past me. I let myself savor the scent of the food cooking in the kitchen. My mouth watered. As I leaned to pick up a plate, I heard a bloodcurdling scream. I whipped my head around and looked down the hallway. Hershel staggered toward his daughter as she ran towards me. A huge chunk of flesh was taken from his forearm and his eyes were bloodshot. Maggie rounded the corner into the kitchen and my hand flew to the knife in my belt.

He lunged at me as some of the others scrambled out of the kitchen. I plunged my knife in between his eyes with anger racing through my veins, through my mind. Maggie wailed, adding to the heat in my body. I stabbed him over and over again, muttering swears under my breath. I thought about Sophia. It was only for a second, but it was long enough to cause my blood to come to a boil. _He knew. _I gritted my teeth. _He knew she was in that barn. __**He knew!**_

"You knew she was in the barn!" I shouted, grabbing him by the shoulders and throwing him into the wall.

I shoved my knife into the side of his head. He growled in pain. I grabbed him by the hair and smashed his skull against the wall until I felt it break. He became motionless. I dropped him to the floor and he laid there, broken and mutilated.

My eyes stayed glued to him as I fell against the wall, exhausted. My heart beat in my ears. With every beat, a searing pain was released through my skull. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw something move. Instinctually, I snapped my head up. I had an audience.

I scanned the horrified faces of the people that had entered the room. None of them mattered except for Carol. She stood next to Lori with her hand over her mouth and tears in her eyes. She was scared. Not of a walker – of me. She had the same fear of me in her that my mother had of my father. The same fear I had of Merle.

"_Just try it." He says taking a puff of the joint._

"_Nah, that stuff's nasty." My voice quivers. "It's not for me."_

_He makes a face._

"_I knew ya didn't have it in ya." He laughs, nearly falling off the curb._

"_Knock it off, will ya?" I say pushing his arm._

"_Hey." He says, his head spinning, "Dun' touch me."_

_He's serious. He puts his face close to mine. His breath is foul._

"_Go 'an 'n take it, if ya think you're man enough." He holds the cigarette to me._

_I swipe the smoke from his hand, putting it to my lips. I take a deep breath and start wheezing._

"_You'll get used to it." He says chuckling._

_I feel sick. I hate that. I want to get everything out of my system. My stomach churns as I cough again. My throat is burning. He pats my back and says something I don't understand. I sit back up on the curb, breathing deeply. He holds it back out to me. He gives me a look that clearly says, _You'd better take it. _I roll the stick between my thumb and my index finger. Hesitantly, I take a puff. I let the smoke escape my mouth slowly, doing my best not to let him see that I'm forcing vomit back down my throat._

I looked down at Hershel. My thoughts buzzed. I didn't know what to say. Or think. Or do. The stench of the undead filled my nostrils. I stood up, repulsed. Nobody dared to say a word. Every single pair of eyes was on me.

A wave of realization washed over me. I started panicking. _Where? __**Where?**_ We had to take it down. I didn't have words to say, there was no time to explain. Gripping my knife, I ran toward the basement.

_There's another walker in here._


	9. Chapter 9: Dead Ahead

**Chapter 9: Dead Ahead**

I burst through the basement door, searching for a light switch with the hand that wasn't clasped around my knife. I flipped on the lights at the end of the staircase. The basement was a very big room with very little in it. The quietness was eerie.

"What in God's name do you think you're doin'?"

Shane put his hands on my shoulders, spun me around, and threw me to the ground. My head made a loud thump as it hit the cement floor. As I yanked out my knife from my belt, a few startled gasps came from the doorway. Rick came down the stairs, ripping the knife from my hand. Shane's eyes were wide open, staring at me as I wriggled under his grip.

"Get your hands off me!" I said, my hands and arms flailing.

"Just calm down, alright?" Rick shouted. "Stay still!"

"There's a walker down here, don't you get it?" I shouted back at him.

Shock and realization settled over Rick's face. Shane's grip lightened just a little. His eyes were wide too, and he was angry. Again.

"What the hell you think you're talkin' about?" Shane yelled, fuming.

He slammed his arm back down across my chest and put all his body weight on me. I struggled to breathe as I choked on the air caught in my throat. I don't know if it was because I hit my head, but I could've sworn Shane had smoke coming out of his ears. Rick rolled me on to my side, pressing my cheek to the floor. It was strangely refreshing. I stopped pushing back at them as I grew more and more tired. The only sounds left were an occasional creak of the floor boards toward the top of the staircase, out ragged breathing and a soft shuffling sound. _Shuffling. _Eyes appeared behind Shane.

I sprang to my feet, shoving the cowboys off me. I reached for my knife before I remembered that Rick had it. _Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit._ I backed away, totally defenseless.

There were a few shrieks and hollers from the peanut gallery. A voice screamed, "Walker! Walker!" _No shit, Sherlock._

A gunshot rang out. The woman fell to the floor, face first. Shane lowered his gun. There was another voice from the stairs.

"Mom! Oh, God!" Beth was horrified. "Mom!"

She hurried down the stairs to hold her mother in her arms. Tears streamed down her face while she whispered to herself and to what used to be her mother. She rocked her back and forth and ran her fingers through her hair. I directed my attention back upstairs. Maggie stood with Glenn silently. She collapsed to the floor suddenly, her face in her hands. I truly felt for her. For both of them. It's not easy losing your parents. Not easy seeing them murdered either.

I couldn't stay down there anymore. Pushing past Rick, I worked my way up the stairs. The people standing around had enough sense in them to move out of the way. I fell into a chair at the kitchen table. Hershel if lay on the floor, his dead eyes staring dead ahead. Instantly, I felt a pang of guilt for what I'd done. I had to, but something about it felt wrong to me. I bit my lip to hold back a sob. _Man up. _

My eyes darted around the room. I couldn't let anybody see my like that. Upset over Hershel? _I am such a fucking pansy._ I made my way to the window. Slowly, I pulled the curtain back. _No walkers? _Fear settled in my chest. My head thumping, I walked to the window nearest to the door. Again, I slowly pulled back the curtain. A gasp caught in my throat.

Directly in front of the house was a black girl in a white bandana. Behind her was a dark blue pickup truck that looked a lot like my dad's. In her hands, she held some kind of huge machete. Blood was all over her. Her clothes, her face, the knife. There were walkers **everywhere**. All of them dead. Really dead. They lay on the ground at her feet. Still breathing heavily, she picked her head up and her eyes met mine. She gave a small nod and I dropped the curtain back over the window.


	10. Chapter 10: Locked and Loaded

**Chapter 10: Locked and Loaded**

I didn't know what to do. This girl just slaughtered maybe fifty or so walkers by herself. _Who is this chick? Why go through the trouble? _ Thoughts buzzed in my skull, causing my scalp to tingle. _Should I tell Rick? _I leaned against the door. I decided that handling something else on my own wouldn't be such a smart move; it'd been a long day. I rounded the corner to bring the basement door into view. The people standing around it were starting to disperse. I quietly walked to the door and cleared my throat.

"Rick," I grumbled.

My voice was gruff. T-Dog moved out of the way for Rick to come up the stairs. His eyes were bloodshot, and he looked beyond exhausted. I had already begun regretting looking out that window. I was pretty surprised Lori or Carl didn't say anything. He followed me back into the kitchen. Putting his hand down on the table, he turned up his head to look at me. Anger flashed behind his eyes.

"What," Rick said. He just stated it, like he knew something was wrong.

"There's a girl outside," I whispered, "A live one. She killed them walkers all by herself."

"What?"

He couldn't believe his ears. He walked over to a window and moved away the curtain. _Nope. No walkers, Sheriff. _I walked back to the window next to the door. She was sitting in the back of the pickup, cleaning off her knife. Rick came up next to me, his eyes set on the girl. He put his hand on my shoulder.

"Stay here, make sure she doesn't leave." He said, and ran off toward the basement.

I kept my eyes locked on her. Her legs hung over the end of the truck, machete in her lap. I clasped the handle of the knife in my belt and took it out to compare it to hers. Mine was, at that point, caked in dried blood, and it needed sharpening. _Maybe she has something I can use for that._

All of a sudden, she hopped off the back of the truck. She looked at me. I was sure she was going to come in the house, but she turned her back to me and went into the pickup. She came out with an apple that she tossed between her hands. She slammed the car door shut, then returned to the back of her truck. Only this time, she was facing me. She was obviously waiting for me to come out and say hi. Luckily for me, Rick came back with T-Dog, Shane and Glenn.

"What's the plan?" Glenn asked.

Rick looked at me, then back at Glenn.

"You and Shane are gonna go grab Andrea and Dale and get them into the house. T-Dog, that means you and me are gonna go talk to _her_," He loaded his gun. "Daryl, that means you're gonna sit this one out."

They all looked at me like they were sure I was gonna flip a shit; Shane in particular. He opened his mouth to say something, but I just nodded and walked away. Truth is, I was tired. I didn't have the energy to argue. It had been a long few days; blacking out, saving Carol, killing Hershel. I walked into the room they put me in when Blondie shot me, ready to sleep. When I opened the door, I almost had a heart attack.

Carol was sitting in a chair in the corner of the room, looking at me. She smiled.

"Hi," she squeaked.

I didn't answer her. I just stood in the doorway, not knowing how to feel, or what to do. Looking at her, I realized something. _I'm scary. Cold. Angry._ _I didn't want to be like Ed, and here I am - exactly like him._ I stared into her eyes. _Pity. Empathy. Understanding. _I didn't need pity from anybody. I could feel my temper starting to flare up, but before I could protest, Carol was wrapping her arms around my torso.

For the third time that day, we stood together, locked in each other's arms. The difference was that it was for my sake, not Carol's. Both of us knew that. I squeezed my eyes closed and held her tighter. Memories flooded into my brain and came into focus behind my eyelids.

_I wake up screaming for the 4__th__ time that week. I tremble as tears stream down my face. I feel her arms around me._

"_It's okay," she whispers._

_But it's not. I've been dealing with the same nightmare for months now. Dad comes home drunk. Beats her. It's more like memories than a nightmare. Generally, I only hear her whimpering, but I've seen her get hit. I can't take it anymore. Any day, she could die because of him. I turn around to face her. She smiles at me through the dark. I put my hand on her face and run my fingers over the bump on the side of her head._

"_I love you, Ma."_

"_I love you, too," she kisses my forehead and holds me until I fall back to sleep._

Carol suddenly let go of me and walked back a few paces. It had to be instinctual, because I grabbed her by the waist and kissed her cheek. Immediately, I wished I could take it back. My body tensed, but my hands stayed glued to her. She looked up at me and put her hand on my face.

'I-I…" I stuttered, trying to find the words I wanted to say.

"What was that for?" she asked with confusion.

In vain, I kept my mouth shut for a little while, trying to keep my guard up. I racked my brain, trying to find something to say to her - something to rationalize what I'd done.

"Everything." I said, before I could stop myself.

To my surprise, she leaned up and kissed my lips gently. Totally shocked, I pulled away and looked down at her smiling face. Despite my thoughts racing a thousand miles a minute and my heart pounding in my ears, I couldn't help but smile too.

For once since the world went to hell, something felt right.


	11. Chapter 11: Say Hello, Wave Goodbye

**Chapter 11: Say Hello, Wave Goodbye**

A cough came from behind me. Startled, I jumped away from Carol.

"Can I borrow her for a minute?" Lori smiled.

Carol was disappointed. It was all over her face. She looked up at me with pleading eyes. I figured Lori saw us kiss already, so I pressed my lips to her forehead and left the room without another word.

_What could be so fucking important? _I despised Lori in that moment. I stomped into the front room, pissed off. By the time I cooled off, I was secretly thanking her for taking Carol away. I needed time to get my thoughts together. _What even happened in there? Did Carol know I'd go in that room? Did she plan this? We __**kissed! **__What does it mean? What about Ed? Sophia?_ My eyes grew wide. _**Merle.**_

I'd forgotten all about my brother. _What he's gonna do to me if he ever finds out! _He used women. Treated them like shit – like they were the dirt under his shoes. _Is it so bad to treat a woman like a human being? Is it really so hard? _Merle would have my head if he knew. He never even let me be around girls before all this happened. I guess he did it for fear that I would be a half – decent guy and treat her right.

I wandered over to the window. The girl spoke to Rick in between bites of her apple. She said something, chucked the apple core over her shoulder and walked with T-Dog and Rick towards the house. They all snapped their heads to the side as Shane ran up to them yelling and screaming. Dale, Andrea and Glenn were chasing after him. Shane pulled his gun on the girl. His eyes burned with a hatred so strong I didn't think it was possible. He stared at her with his eyes bulging out of his head and his nerves sticking out of his neck. Rick talked him down, and Glenn ripped the gun from his hand. He gestured to the house and everybody went in, excluding Shane and Rick, who remained outside arguing.

The crowd around the basement door was now in the kitchen, except for Maggie and Beth who stayed with their mother. Dale and Andrea were greeted with many hugs and several questions. For a little while, nobody even noticed the girl. Lori was the first one to realize her presence, and when she did, she gasped, grabbed Carl and pushed him behind her. The girl was a bit intimidating, the way she just stood next to the door, looking at everybody. She was tall and she had a very strong look to her, like she'd been through a lot. She spoke before anybody could say anything or ask any questions.

"My name is Michonne," she said, her voice echoing around the room. "I come from a place called Woodbury." She closed her eyes as if she was in pain, and she clenched her jaw.

"She's going to be staying with us," Rick stated.

I hadn't even noticed him come in. For once, nobody argued with his decision. There was something about this girl that made us all feel safe and protected. But a question rang in my mind. _Where's Shane?_

"The walkers!" Carl bursted suddenly. "Where are they? Did they leave? Are they gone?"

"Walkers? That's what you call 'em?" Michonne laughed. "We called 'em roamers and lurkers. Walkers sound a lot better," She put her hand to the knife in her belt and the smile faded from her face. "I took care of them," She said sternly.

"Alone?" Carol asked in disbelief.

Michonne nodded. She hung her head, like that was something to be ashamed of.

"With that?" Lori asked.

She unsheathed it and held it out for us to see. Carl's mouth fell open like he'd never seen anything like it.

"It's a katana I picked up along the way," she looked at Lori. "My boyfriend stumbled across it before he turned into one of them."

She put it back in her belt. Rick came from behind her and placed a hand on her shoulder. He opened his mouth to speak, but before anybody had a chance to blink, a loud noise came from outside. Carol rushed to the window. Her eyes were panicked. I pushed through the people now gathering around her.

"He's leaving!" she exclaimed.

I stood next to her at the window, watching him climb into the light blue truck he'd brought around. He looked right at us, with a fire burning in his eyes. He had the bag of guns in the passenger seat. How he got his hands on those, I'll never know. He slammed the door shut and revved the engine. He sped off toward the highway, kicking up a huge cloud of dust and dirt.

That was the last time any of us ever saw Shane Walsh.


	12. Chapter 12: Night Air

**Chapter 12: Night Air**

Those next few days blurred together in a mix of funerals and fire. The acrid smell of the burning bodies lingered in my nostrils for days after the last pyre was put out. I was tired that night, as I laid in my tent staring up at the stars. That day was pretty exhausting.

I looked up at the sky and moved my hands behind my head. I let out a sigh. The stars were especially bright that night. It's kinda funny how they're always there – whenever, wherever. Generally, the stars were comforting to me – kinda like a safety blanket. My mind went sour when I started thinking about the night I hit my head. _What happened? Hallucinations, is that all? Carol looked so afraid. _I remembered the hands I felt on my face before I went out. They could only belong to her.

My thoughts came to a screeching halt when a shrill scream ripped through the night air. Without a doubt, it was Carol. I grabbed my knife, tore the tent flap open and raced toward her tent, hoping it was only one walker. I rushed into her tent to find no geeks, just a teary-eyed Carol.

"What're you doin' screamin' like that?"_You scared me half to death. _

I tried to make my voice sound irritated instead of terrified. She looked about as scared as I felt.

"I…I didn't…" She couldn't form words. "Nightmare." She said.

Her teeth were chattering. I crawled over to her and sat in front of her folded legs.

"What was it 'bout?" I said, trying to speak softly.

She looked down at her feet, blinking back tears.

"Ed? Sophia?" I questioned as gently as I could. "Walkers?"

Without looking up, she whispered, "You."

She began tracing patterns in the thin fabric separating us from the ground. My mouth started speaking before I could even register what I was saying.

"Me? What happened?"

She shook her head. She didn't want to tell me.

"Please." I said desperately, wishing I hadn't gotten out of my tent.

I was shocked that I was so scared. I would've left, but Carol needed to know that I was never _ever_ gonna hurt her. I'd asked her to tell me, but I really didn't know if I could handle her telling me that she dreamt of me hitting her. I'm not afraid to admit I was terrified of what would come out of her mouth. I didn't want her to be afraid of me.

She hesitated, but spoke clearly, "You were one of them. You came for me. I couldn't stand seeing you – "

She stopped talking when I stood up. I was ready to leave. I didn't know how to react to that. She was scared of me turning, not of me hurting her. A huge wave of relief washed over me, and I guess I lost control. I swear my body was running on its own that night, because instead of leaving, I dropped to my knees and crawled behind her to hold her while she shivered. My arms wrapped around her tiny waist and I rested my head on her shoulder. She let out a few sobs and I held her tighter while her back heaved. After only a few seconds, I couldn't bear her crying and I slid way from her.

"C'mon, put on your shoes."

I grabbed her blanket and a pillow from the corner of the tent.

"Wh-where are we going?" She asked, her voice crackling as she slipped on her sneakers.

"I'm not gonna let you sleep alone anymore," I said gruffly as I exited her tent.

She stumbled out of the tent and fell into step next to me.

"Can't have you wakin' up the neighbors." I said playfully, a smile stretching across my face.

She giggled while we walked to my tent. I threw her pillow and her blanket to the left of my own and laid down again, resting my arms behind my head like I did before I heard her screaming. Wondering why she was taking so long to come over, I propped myself up to look at the entrance of the tent. She was taking her shoes off slowly and carefully, trying not to get anything dirty. I felt myself grinning. It was so like Carol to do that.

"What?" She asked when she looked up at me.

"Nothing," I muttered, as the smile faded disappeared from my face.

She disregarded my tone and crawled under her blanket beside me. _What have I gotten myself into this time?_ She was turned away from me and her body curled up into a ball. I looked up at the sky again. The moon was directly overhead and it lit up the entire tent. I began to question if I'd don't the right thing by taking her in. I listened to her breathing slow while I stared up through my tent at the lights illuminating the darkness.

Carol suddenly turned over and looked at me. I almost jumped back from her I was so startled. She hadn't been sleeping at all, just breathing deeply. Judging from the look on her face, she was more surprised than me.

"I thought you were sleeping," she whispered.

"Nope," I said bluntly, turning over to look at her. "Can't sleep?"

"Nope," she said echoing my voice and turning to look at me too.

An idea popped into my head. As hard as I tried to shove it out of my mind, it kept coming back. It was like she knew what I was thinking. Maybe she saw it in my face; I don't know. Whatever it was, she scooted closer and I brought her to me. Her small hands pressed lightly into my chest and my arms wrapped around her. She let out a heavy sigh and slowly, she stopped trembling. She rested her head under my chin. My tense muscles loosened and I totally relaxed. My eyes flicked up to the sky one more time before her breathing lulled me into a dreamless sleep.


	13. Chapter 13: Patterns

**Chapter 13: Tangled**

When I woke up, she was still sleeping. We'd shifted in out sleep. Carol's right arm rested on my chest and her head was on my left shoulder. I looked down at her and I smiled. She really did look like her daughter, with her little features and an overall innocent appearance. Her fingers flexed while she dreamed. I wanted to lace them into mine. I was gonna before I happened to glance upward. The color of the sky and the position of the sun told me it was already around 11am. I'd slept in.

I hated sleeping in. There'd be no squirrel caught that day, that was for sure. I had watch duty with Andrea today. But I wasn't gonna leave her alone in the tent. So I laid there thinking about every possible thing I could come up with to pass the time. Sophia, Merle, Michonne, and Rick and Shane too. I thought about where Sophia was when she got bit. If I could've saved her. Maybe if I could've prevented us finding her in the barn and protected Carol from getting hurt. I wondered about what Merle's opinion on all this would be. If I'd get hit or shot or stabbed. Maybe he'd just be happy that Andrea was still available. I thought about Michonne's past and what Woodbury might be like. I'd been meaning to ask her why she left that place to begin with. She looked like she was in agony talking about it the other day. What was really bugging me was what Rick said to Shane to make him leave. Carl was a complete mess since he left. On occasion, I'd become extremely jealous of the boy for having so many people that cared for him.

Carol stirred in her sleep and woke with a jolt. Her eyes were panicked and wide. I was thankful that she didn't scream. It took her a few seconds to remember that she came into my tent last night and to register where she was. She studied my face and came to relax. Her smile was a soft one, slightly there.

"Thank you," she whispered.

She sat up and I regained feeling in my arm.

"It's nothin'." I said quietly.

She crawled over to the front of the tent to put on her sneakers. When she got them on, she sat back for a moment, just looking at me.

"What are you lookin' at?" I said roughly.

She looked panic-stricken. I couldn't keep a straight face and I smirked at her. She realized I was kidding and smiled back at me. It was then that I noticed how often I was happy around her. It was becoming more than just protecting her – she made me happy. She made me smile, which is something most people can't do.

"See you later," she said with a giggle and left the tent.

I laid back down for a few minutes. That was the best night sleep I had since the world went to hell. I already missed the way she curled into me. That night really made me wonder why I'd cut myself off from everybody. I was finally happy.

I hopped off Cloud Nine and I snatched my crossbow and a few arrows. Carol left her pillow and her blanket in my tent. I was about to pick them up, but it didn't feel right. _She'll come back for them. _I moved the tent flap aside and stepped out.

The sun was blinding. I blinked several rimes to clear my vision. I squinted. T-Dog was cooking the squirrel from yesterday in the fire pit. My stomach grumbled.

"Daryl," a voice whispered. "Daryl."

I turned around. It was Andrea. I rolled my eyes in agrivation. I really didn't wanna deal with discussing watch duty while I was in such a great mood.

"What."

"So… Uh… You and Carol, huh?" Her mouth stretched into a wide grin.

_Me and Carol…? Does she think we…? Oh, God. _I hadn't even considered how that probably appeared to the rest of the group.

"There ain't nuthin' goin' on between me'n her, ya got that?" I said.

I was pretty ticked. It didn't concern her what I did or didn't have with Carol. She didn't know shit.

Out of spite, I added, "And if there was, you'd keep yer nose out of it. I didn't get in yer business about yer little thing with Shane, did I?"

That shut her up. I kept walking without looking back at her. Watch duty was gonna suck even more now. _I really have to learn to shut my mouth. _The crossbow thumping against my back helped to calm my nerves. I was planning heading out to the perimeter and waiting for Andrea, but while I walked past the fire pit, I saw we were low on meat. I just kept on walking to the woods. Andrea could yell at me about it later, but I had a feeling that she wouldn't mind much if I didn't show up. I walked around the back of the house, where the water pump was. Carol almost knocked over the pail of water she filled up when she saw me. _She's so jumpy._

"Where do you think you're going?" She asked, getting off the platform.

"What's it matter to you?" I shot back.

"You can't go out there alone, not so soon after a heard rolled through." She raised her voice.

I took a deep breath. I didn't wanna argue with her.

"Well, we're outta squirrel and I gotta go get some." I said it as calmly as possible.

"Bring somebody with you, then." She paused. "You ain't goin' alone."

I stepped closer to her.

"Why not?" I looked her up and down. "Not like you can stop me."

Anger flashed across her face. She grabbed my face and kissed me slowly. I brought my hands around to her lower back, laced them together and pulled her closer. I felt her smile as we kissed. I broke away just long enough to get a good look at her face before I pulled her back in. I rested my hand of her hips this time. Her fingers made patterns in my hair like they did on the bottom of the tent. Suddenly, she pulled back, with her little hands still tangled in my hair. She looked me in the eye with a smile creeping over her face.

"Who says I can't stop you?"

We walked back to camp together, smiling and joking. I couldn't think of another place I'd rather be. She squeezed my hand and went off with Lori to do the laundry. I groaned, remembering I had to spend the remainder of the day, and possibly the night, with Andrea.

"Dixon!"

_Fuck! Twice in one day? What does she want now?_

"Whaddya want, Blondie?" I didn't look back.

Her footsteps followed behind me.

"Are you seriously still trying to play off you and Carol?" she asked, jogging to catch up with me.

_This woman never shuts up. _I did warn her to stay away from me and Carol, didn't I?

"Didn't I tell ya to mind yer own business?" I fumed, still walking away from her.

"No need to get snippy with me," she said.

She said it like it was my fault she was sticking her nose where it didn't belong. _Bullshit. _

"I just don't like being lied to."

That made me stop dead in my tracks. She almost walked straight into me. I wheeled around to face her. She was really trying my patience.

"Stay out of my way! What I have or don't have with her doesn't concern you!" Through my teeth, I said, "Keep your ass out of it."

For a second she looked afraid, but she gave me a playful shove.

"Whatever you say!" She grinned.

She pushed past me, shaking her hips as she walked. I plodded along behind her. I bit my tongue to keep from cursing at her. It really wasn't any of her concern with what was going on. She sat down in the back of Michonne's pickup truck and looked out at the farm. I silently sat next to her and played with the string of my crossbow. She was still smirking.

"What?" I asked angrily.

"I would've come with you," she laughed. "All you had to do was ask."

_She was __**spying **__on me? On us? _Talk about an invasion of privacy! I was a loner throughout my entire childhood. Hell, I didn't want the kids at school to know my mother was killed by my father and that my father was in prison for it. I didn't want them to know I had a dumb-as-shit crackhead brother who dropped out of school to be in the "military". Well, they found out anyway because they invaded my privacy. They taunted and teased until I gave them a good punch in the mouth. Andrea got under my skin like those kids at school did.

I gave her a dirty look. She just sat there cackling away like an old hag. I knew nothing I could say would make her stop, so I hopped off the back of the truck. She called out for me, but I drowned out her words. I was going to the forest and nobody was gonna stop me.


	14. Chapter 14: Crumbling Foundation

**Chapter 14: Crumbling Foundation**

I returned to camp after dusk with enough squirrels to feed everybody for the week. Carol was gonna be pissed for going out without telling her after she warned me not to, and everyone else was gonna be pissed that I blew off watch duty. But Carol shouldn't be angry, I didn't even see any walkers, which was a little strange. Usually, I came across one or two at least. That was the easiest run I'd had in a long time.

Approaching the fire, I heard everybody talking about moving into the house. _A bed to sleep on every night? Would there be enough for me to have my own? _I sat down at the fire and tossed the squirrels to the side.

"We could make a **home** here instead of a temporary camp," Rick was saying. "This could be a permanent place we could stay. A sanctuary."

"Did you forget about the herd that just rolled through? It's no safer here than it was on the highway!" Dale countered.

"We have a roof over our heads here! Food, water, shelter. Those are the necessities!" Rick shouted.

Lori sat next to him, resting her hand on his knee. She looked at him lovingly while he made his argument. As much as I hated her, Rick loved her with all that he had and Lori loved him just as much. I envied her for that. I thought that no matter what, nobody could ever love me as much as they loved each other. Ever.

"_Get up," Merle says._

_I wipe the blood from my lip and stand up. His fist rams into my stomach and I fly back at the wall. He laughs. I look up. He's standing over me._

"_C'mon, what's wrong? Can't take a little pushin' an' shovin'?" _

_He's breathing in my face. His breath reeks of weed. I can't block the odor from entering my nose, my arm feels like it's broken._

"_I'm fine! Get the hell away from me!" I yell at him._

"_Come on, then! Show me!" He taunts._

_My toes are probably purple. Using the wall as support, I struggle to my feet. My head throbs. Before I can process what's happening, a punch to the temple has me back on the floor. My world is spinning. Merle is squatting next to me._

"_Don't lemme see ya cryin' anymore. Momma ain't gonna pick ya up and tell ya it's okay. She's gone." He gets closer to my face, as if I can't see him. "I'm only doin' this 'cause I love ya. Don't want you growin' up to be a fag."_

_He slaps my face hard and leaves me. The floor is cool and it soothes my bloody, swollen eye. I smile._

"_Love ya too, bro," I whisper._

_Everything goes black._

I search the group for Carol. She was sitting next to T-Dog, staring into the fire. I sighed in relief. She didn't get hurt while I was out that day. She snapped her head up and saw the squirrels. She shook her head fervently and walked away from the fire. I swung my legs over the log I was sitting on and followed her.

"Carol! Carol!" I called.

She stormed into **my** tent and I ran after her. The tent was spotless. Not a speck of dirt anywhere. All my clothes were folded, cleaned and dried. My blanket was neatly folded next to hers. Side by side, our shoes were lined up at the entrance of the tent. I felt so guilty for leaving. I didn't mean to hurt her. Carol just kneeled on her blanket, looking down at her hands. I sat in front of her. She looked up at me. Her lifeless eyes became bright. She kissed me with a sense of urgency. I never wanted to stop, but she pulled back.

"Never do that to me again."

"I won't. I'm sorry," I said.

I'd never been so sorry for anything in my life. She leaned in for another kiss when a shriek came from the distance. It was Andrea. I grabbed Carol's hand and ran from the tent.

Dale was right. The farm wasn't safe. Walkers swarmed around the camp. It wasn't anything we couldn't handle had it been daytime, but it was dark and the guns were with Shane. Carol and I bolted for the house. I wasn't gonna get locked out again.

We were only a few feet from the house when she started screaming. I watched in horror as a walker sunk it's teeth into Carol's arm. I let go of her hand and hit the thing with my crossbow. I grabbed her by the shoulders and sprinted with her to the house. We both made it in time. I looked down at her. She was in pain, and a lot of it. The walker took out a huge chunk of flesh.

_Oh God. No. Please. Not like this. _The house was eerily quiet. The geeks barely even seemed to make any noise. Every pair of eyes was on Carol. She dropped to the ground, weeping.

"It's okay, you're gonna be okay," I said holding her face. "Carol, look at me! Everything's gonna be alright!"

She hesitated, but she looked me in the eye.

"Can you do it?" Her voice was so small, it sounded like it didn't belong to her. "I want it to be you."

I knew what she meant. She wanted me to put her down. Carol was infected. She was gonna turn and come back like one of them. It was humane to put her out of her misery, I knew that. She wanted me to do it. I couldn't say no to her. If that was what she wanted, she'd get it.

I took her tiny hand in my own and I smiled at her. I placed my free hand on the back of her head and pressed my lips to her forehead. She smiled up at me with tears in her eyes. She turned around to the people in the room, like she was remembering they were there. They took the hint and left.

"I love you. I've always loved you," I shook my head, not wanting to hear it. "Since the first time you looked at me, I knew you were so much more than they thought you were. You're so much more than a hunter or a tracker. You're worth so much to the group, and so much more to me."

She moved her hand to my face.

"Don't forget me."

Now, I was in danger of crying. She loved me, and I was losing her. There wasn't anything I could do about it.

"I couldn't if I tried," I kissed her.

She kissed slowly, like she was trying to make it last. I tried to memorize how I felt there with her. I knew it would probably be the last time I felt anything but pain, anger and sadness. She stopped and stood up suddenly. She winced and looked down at her arm.

"I'm gonna go say goodbye."

She left the room, gripping her forearm. I couldn't think straight. My thoughts clouded together. Carol came back before I could get them sorted out. She pulled out a gun.

"Ready?" she asked.

I nodded and followed her to the basement. Everybody was huddled in one of the guest rooms. Some turned to look and others stared straight ahead. She opened the door and flipped on the light. I shut it behind me. We got to the bottom and she handed me the gun.

"It doesn't have to be this way. It doesn't have to be now," I said, gripping her hand.

"I don't wanna have to go through what Sophia did," she said coldly. "I wanna be with her now."

She backed up and looked at me. Her eyes were so alive. Rick's gun felt like it weighed a hundred pounds. I pointed it at her and I lowered it. I couldn't do it. She came over to me.

"You can do this," she smiled.

_No, I can't. _We kissed one last time. A lump formed in my throat. It was my fault. I'd failed again. This happened because I wasn't on watch with Andrea – I was off in the woods. I had to finish what I started and be strong for her. I pointed the gun at her and aimed for her head. Her eyes twinkled back at me. She smiled.

"You're a good man, Daryl Dixon."

I pulled the trigger.

_I'm sorry._


	15. Chapter 15: Wounded Soldier

**Chapter 15: Wounded Soldier **

I crumpled in the spot we'd sat a week ago. My eyes locked on the floor. Her face was clear in my mind. Everybody else was burying her with her daughter while I sat there. I couldn't bring myself to hear them talk about Carol and I knew I wouldn't be able to if they asked me to. I relived every memory I had of her. The pickaxe in Ed's skull, the awful look on her face at the C.D.C., all of it. She really was everything I had and I'd never even told her how I really felt about her. That would eat at me for years to come. I'd never told her. I didn't apologize to her for being the fuck-up that I am. I couldn't protect her and she was right next to me. She was right behind me and I couldn't even hold on.

The door opened. It was Carl. He kneeled next to me.

"I lost somebody too." He was staring at the same spot I was. "She was my best friend. And then I lost Shane, too. Now I'm alone."

I looked at him.

"I lost my best friend too." I was able to choke out. _I'm alone now too._

We sat there like that just thinking for a long time. It was probably somewhere close to an hour. He stood up and left when his mother came to get him. She didn't say anything to me. Nobody did that day. Just Carl. I glanced at the window. The sun was setting. I rose to my feet and opened the door. The camp was all but deserted, everyone was in their tents. I had an idea. I headed for the woods.

I kneeled down, clutching them in my hand. Carol's grave was directly next to Sophia's. The reality really hit me then. I was sitting in the house all day thinking that Carol would come and talk to me, but I was never gonna see her again. She was laying right there in the ground. It was all my fault. She warned me not to leave and I left anyway. The one person I'd cared for was gone. She was never ever coming back. My eyes began to water.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I'm so sorry. For everything. For not being able to save Sophia. For not being able to tell you how I feel or what I'm thinking. For not being able to protect you. For never thanking you for everything you've done for me. I'm sorry, Carol."

Tears fell from my eyes. I couldn't stop them. There was no way to. They hit the dirt and soaked into it.

"Yer more than they thought you were, too," I whispered again. "More than just a housewife. I never deserved anybody like you to love me. I never deserved you. I never deserved you…"

My shoulders shook as sobs radiated through my body. _Carol's gone. Carol's gone. Carol's gone. Carol's gone. _I couldn't accept it. There was so much that went unsaid.

"I love you."

My voice was choppy. I loved her. I only realized it then, but I truly did. I would've done anything to be laying there in the ground instead of her.

"I'm sorry I did this to you. I'll never be able to forgive myself. I wish we had more time. I'm sorry, Carol. I'm sorry."

Something made me look up. The sun was barely peeking over the horizon and stars began to show up in the sky. I imagined Carol and Sophia looking down on me. Maybe even my Momma too.

"I love you so much, Carol. Please don't forget me."

I looked down at the graves. I placed one Cherokee Rose on Sophia's grave and one on Carol's. I knew I'd join them one day among the stars. We could be a family, then.

Just me, the little girl who got lost in the woods and the brave woman who was lost to the dead.


End file.
